Friends, Bulbasaur, and Lots of Cake!

So, I finally got to play Portal. I technically bought the Orange Box as a little present for Brian, but I knew the entire time I wanted to play Portal. I didn't turn it on until he beat it, so I'm rather proud of myself. Also kind of creeped out by the little robots...The big computer was kinna creepy, too.

Hello?



In other news, we have also begun downloading a bunch of crap for the Wii. I have rediscovered Pokemon Snap, Pokemon Puzzle League, and Ocarina of Time. We got Pokemon Snap because it's freaking FUN, we got Puzzle League because I love the gameplay and to give my brain a rest after Ocarina. We got Ocarina because it fucking RULES. Alas, playing games affiliated with the Satanic Cult of Pokemon has made me realize how many of their names I remember... And how many awesome impressions I do...

Are you still there? Where are you?

One last thing I wanted to get out of my brain case...

Maybe I have a funny idea of friendship, but I try not to think horrible things about my friends. I believe that, while they may have some flaws, they are honestly good people. I wouldn't be their friends if they were not.

Assume the submissive party position and get ready to blow out the candle on your cake!

Deep Thoughts, pt 3

After beating God of War 2 for the (insert insanely large number here) time, I find myself worried that I am preoccupied with vengeance. I have previously discussed my temper, which is bad... But I think it's even worse that I can go on hating somebody with that kind of ferocity for years.

I do not exaggerate when I say years.

My record is eleven years and counting. Mind you, I hate THAT guy for a damn good reason, but that's still a pretty long time to wish death by gerbil rape on anybody. That, and I'm not sure that having a "good reason" makes it less petty or immature of me.

Everybody, even the Bible, tells you that "letting it go" or "turning the other cheek" is what you're supposed to do. Is there a limit to the "turn the other cheek" response? Is there a "shit cap" on what people do to you that, once exceeded, allows you to circumvent the mature and socially acceptable course of action?

Or do I just want to see another person suffer so badly that I'm willing to ignore conventional wisdom and societal norms?

Hmm... I shall have to think about all this... Preferably before the next time I storm Mount Olympus and destroy Western society because Zeus stabbed me...

Wascawwy Wabbit

So, Brian pulled one over on me, today. Like, badly. Not that I'm complaining, mind you.

My day started off pretty normally. Wake up to the alarm, accidentally kick the wall (and probably piss off the crazy neighbor lady), wash some dishes, etc. On Wednesdays, I usually spend a few hours at a local coffee shop called Coal Creek with the rest of the Laramie Go Club. Today was no exception. The only difference was that, today, Brian thought he might join me for lunch and try to connect with a mutual friend of ours, named Will. This friend's phone was "not working," which meant that Brian had to go to the music shop next door to rendezvous with him. (This is the first incident of my obliviousness.)

Brian and Will sauntered back into the store, at which point Brian transferred his camera to Will's keeping. (Second key bit of info that I just didn't pick up on.)

Next, Brian set down his laptop beside me, got onto the internet, and pointedly suggested that I check out one of my favorite web comics, The Black Vatican. (Third time I totally missed something.)

It should also be noted that Brian had brought the rings with him today so that he could "show everybody at Go Club." Yes, I fell for that, too. (The lame excuse brings the count up to four!)

I paused my current game to indulge Brian, and scooted over to check the web comic on his laptop... which had been left open for my use... (FIVE!)

This is what I saw:


It took a few seconds to process.

I cannot describe this moment without an obscene amount of bad poetry.

My heart was pounding like it wanted to claw its way out of my ribs, but time had long since halted. I was terrified, elated, amazed, and about to cry. When I could finally bring myself to look at him, Brian was kneeling beside me and holding an engagement ring. He asked THE question... Since my vocal cords were FULL OF FAIL at the time, I nodded.

The next few minutes were kind of a blur of grabbing Brian, crying on Brian, kissing Brian, and generally being a mess.

Yeah. He made a fool out of me. Watch it for yourself on Brian's blog! (Because I have no clue how to upload video...)

http://doksmith.blogspot.com/

I never thought that being a fool would feel so damn amazing.

Wild Penis

So, when I showed Linus an amusing picture, this was his response-



"What? They grow wild, now? And here I was, wasting time as I tried to cultivate my own. "

This was a mistake on his part, as it set in motion a demented train of thought...

Yes, despite the attempts of that other Vatican, penises can now be found growing wild.

Hikers must be careful to avoid larger clumps, lest the penises try to tear a hole through their clothes.
Agitating the penises is also not recommended, as they may attempt to spit at anybody who's harassing them.
Normally, however, penises are rather limp and docile, and are known to be fond of the occasional stroking.

... No more caffeine for me...

PS. To read the hilarious caption, check out Ursula Vernon's artwork at

http://www.metalandmagic.com/modules.php?set_albumName=oddities&id=wangvalley&op=modload&name=gallery&file=index&include=view_photo.php

Darwin Awards

Seeing as this is "Get Drunk and Blow Shit Up" Day, (aka Independence Day or Fourth of July) I'm sure that somebody, right now, is preparing to kill themselves by complete accident. This is sometimes known as a case of terminal stupidity, and is illustrated by the picture below-

Happy Fourth! Those of you who are intelligent, open-minded or actual friends, please try not to die! For any ignorant, homophobic, Bible-thumping pricks who happen to be reading this, please make sure not to let go of the firework. Pointing it at your face might be a good idea too.

Deep Thoughts, pt 2

Have you ever done something really, really stupid? Hmm... Not the best question... I'll think of a better way to put it...

If you've ever worked a customer service job, you probably know the perils of making promises that you're not certain you can keep. Getting a customer's expectations up is equivalent to taping a sign to your own arse that says "I deserve to be screamed at!" So it's really strange that I did just that thing tonight, knowing what I was asking for. What's even more strange is how it paid off.

A customer called tonight, asking if we had a particular item. It took a good fifteen minutes to figure out if we even had it in the store. Then, it turns out that this item might be recalled. The customer doesn't want to drive an hour just to find out that they can't buy the darn thing (pretty understandable) so I agree to write down her phone number and call her back when I figure out what she needs. This was definitely against my better judgment. As it turns out, I managed to figure the problem out and call her back within fifteen minutes. They said 'thanks,' I said 'no prob,' and thought that was the end of it. Imagine my surprise when the husband saunters up to the desk to compliment the girl on the service desk who helped his wife out. Yeah, it was me. He ended up talking with the manager for my department, singing my praises the whole time.

I cannot remember the last time I have felt that kind of euphoria within the bounds of my retail prison. It wasn't just that I was getting a compliment. Yeah, that's great, but I was also filled with that sense of honest happiness that you feel when you know you've done something nice, or accomplished something impressive.

Uck. I'm tired and rambling right now, but I guess the lesson I learned tonight is that doing something a little stupid is sometimes the right choice. Just don't be too much of an idiot.

And now for something completely different!

That was just to make sure nobody will accuse me of "growing up" or "being mature." =)