Were It So Easy...

So, for those of you who've been living under a ROCK and haven't played, seen, or at least heard of HALO, let me sum it up for you.

Earth. In the future.
Alien religious zealots known as the Covenant start a big, fat war with Earth, babbling something about how they're the righteous souls in the universe and how all of us humans are dirty, icky insects that should be destroyed. During the course of this war, one particularly bad-ass soldier, known as Spartan 117 or the Master Chief, discovers a strange structure called a HALO. It's the size of a fairly hefty planet, but it's a perfectly flat, terra-formed ring. Hence the name. Well, turns out that all the HALOs are actually gigantic incendiary devices that will actually destroy every sentient being in the galaxy if they go off.
Now, why would anybody build something like that? Why, to contain the Flood, of course! The Flood are... icky. They are a collective consciousness, made up of billions of what used to be sentient beings. Once infected, however, any personality or intelligence they once had is absorbed into the whole. The Flood is more than capable of consuming every living thing in the universe, which is why the HALOs were built- to kill their food.

The trilogy is quite the firefight between Earth's Marines, the Covenant, Covenant outcasts, and the Flood themselves. It ends when Master Chief finds a single HALO that's outside the range of the rest. Luring the Flood there and detonating the thing would only destroy them. So, that's what you do.
You walk onto a planet-sized bomb, HOPING that a lethal enemy will follow you en masse, then you arm this gigantic bomb and try to get the hell out of Dodge. Now, this HALO doesn't explode all at once. No, sir, it blows up in little bits and pieces while you're wrestling with an SUV and trying to drive the twenty some miles to your ship so you don't go splat. Entire pieces of terrain will explode and blow debris everywhere, crap you're currently driving on will fall into a mass of fire and molten steel, and the Flood is still trying to kill you. Believe it or not, it is still kind of fun. And you can have some very interesting conversations when you're trying to reach that damn ship.

Doktor: Wait! Stop! Stop! You need to go left here!
Bunny: What??? Eeek! *GAME OVER*
Doktor: Okay! Get there again... See! There! Go left!
Bunny: Like this?
Doktor: No, now you're trapped.
Bunny: I thought you said go LEFT?!
Doktor: I did!
Bunny: I WENT LEFT!
Doktor: Well, you went left too soon.
Bunny: Oookay... I'm there again. So I go straight?
Doktor: No, right now you need to go right.
Bunny: ??? The way I was going to go in the first place?
Doktor: Yes, now you can go left. JESUS! HOLE! HOLE!
Bunny: What??? Eeek! *GAME OVER*
Doktor: I told you there was a hole there!
Bunny: I DIDN'T SEE IT!
Doktor: Okay, go around the hole... Umm... Look... Look... DO YOU SEE THE GIGANTIC PILLAR FALLING DOWN IN FRONT OF YOU?!
Bunny: YES! YES! I SEE THE GIGANTIC PILLAR! *barely escapes certain death*
Doktor: Now, you need to watch it up here... The path is really narrow...
Bunny: What??? Eeek! *barely escapes certain death*
Doktor: I TOLD YOU THE PATH WAS NARROW!
Bunny: YOU NEVER MENTIONED HOW NARROW! YOU DID NOT GIVE DIMENSIONS!
Doktor: But I told you!
Bunny: ... I still didn't fall off!
Doktor: Barely... Oh! Oh! There's the ship! Go! Go! Gun it! Go!
Bunny: I see it! I see it!
Together: Yaaaaaa...!!!

Silly Rabbit! Trix are for kids!

So... Nobody who enjoys peace, quiet, or sanity should ever give me sugar. And, for the love of all that's good and holy, keep Herr Doktor away from caffeine. These are three of the conversations we've had tonight-

"I don't want to get older."
"We don't have to. We can go to Neverland!"
"... Those guys are total pansies, though..."
"We can be the badass ones! We'll carry samurai swords and brutally execute all the pirates in public! We'll be worshiped as heroes!"
"And we can kick Peter Pan right in the balls."
"Yeah! We'll get his pixie little fag hag, too!"
"Hey, Tinkerbell! I DON'T BELIEVE IN FAIRIES!"
*cough**hack*
*CLAP CLAP CLAP*
"Tinkerbell... I don't believe in fairies!"
*cough**hack*
*CLAP CLAP CLAP*
"Stop! *cough* I'll tell you anything you want, just please stop hurting me!"
"We don't really want anything... We just wanna see you bleed..."

"I can't open this bottle... Big Strong Man! Report!"
"Big Strong Man, ready for duty!"
"Open this thing."
"Ummm... Let's see... There's that plastic thingie there... I think this is actually a job for Sharp Thing Man!"
"Isn't Sharp Thing Man your dark and edgy alter-ego? I mean, Big Stong Man and Sharp Thing Man are never in the same place at the same time. That, and you look a lot alike- guh!" *STABBITY STAB STAB*

"Jiiiggly puff... Jigglyyy-yyy puff... Gooo to sleeep and I will eeeat your feeet..."
"What the fuck?! Jiggly Puff isn't a predator!"
"Not necessarily. Notice the large eyes set in the front of the head. I bet, if its owners don't lock the Pokeball tight, Jiggly Puff will crawl out, sing them deep into sleep, and then gouge a BIG FUCKING HOLE in their thigh and let them bleed to death..."

So, yeah, no sugar for us.

Proud parents of a bigot, reprise!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtDpEBfNEg8&NR=1

Stupid, stupid people.

I decided yesterday to follow up on this story, since I hadn't heard anything else about it. Perhaps a mistake on my part. Needless to say, there are a lot of people who were offended by Representative Kern's remarks. That still doesn't make it a good idea to write emails saying "You should be killed," or "Do the world a favor and kill yourself."

Kern honestly believes that members of the homosexual community and the Muslim community are easily moved to vice and violence. When you send an email like that, you only convince her that she's right, and you give her ammunition to fire back with. People are going to rally to her cause because she's being attacked and threatened.

Don't get me wrong. I hate the things this woman thinks and says. I don't feel much kindness toward her, either. But responding exactly the way she thinks we will, maybe even the way she WANTS US TO, is not going to help.

She wants to convince the world that we're evil, and we're laying evidence to support her claims at her feet.

I'm not saying she shouldn't be punished. Lawmakers and elected officials are supposed to be able to separate their personal bias from legal decisions, (*cough*SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE*cough*) which she obviously can't do. As such, she should not be allowed to retain her position as a member of the government. But death threats aren't going to do much, people. And you probably won't get anywhere telling her how mean she is. All I'm asking is that you not send threats, veiled or no, to someone who already hates us as a whole.

Don't make this worse.

Returning to Earth

Some thoughts from the last few weeks...

If blizzards and thunderstorms are "Nature's Fury," does that mean that Nature is always angry? Does Nature need therapy?

If someone dumps you, do they still have the right to make jokes about your fabulous ass?

If everything is coming to life in the spring, does someone have to die to balance it all out?

Customers suck. A lot.

You can miss somebody without ever knowing them.

You can miss people you knew, too.

Xiyi Zhang is hawt.

Chinese New Year is as old as (if not older than) Christianity. Why does nobody know about Chinese New Year?

I am learning to cook. The world is ENDING.

I have a Perfect Companion. Complete with sharp things.

Chinese is becoming strangely easy to speak and understand.

My retainers give me a lisp. THAT DRIVES ME NUTS.

Herr Doktor and I should have another Mad Tea Party... And we should invite the Sparkly Lady. =D

I should ignore deliberate, drunken cruelty.

I should not do something illegal just to get back at people I hate and want to kill.

Karma works really, REALLY slowly...

For some reason, my boyfriend's clothing is SOOO comfortable.

Even if I've fought with a friend, I find myself missing them.

If you tell people that you got a tattoo on April Fool's Day, they believe you. >=}

I'd forgotten what it was like to eat crunchy food.

I need more books.

I hate the new singer for Nightwish. She belongs on American Idol.

I don't want to drive to New York.

My mother's boyfriend scares the piss out of me.

Even if they're only 18, my brother and his affianced are happy together. I won't begrudge them that much.

I think my mother's losing it. (What she had for "it" to begin with, anyway.)

Underwear with skulls on it is a good purchase.

I'm going to call my nephew Imriel.

I should write a letter to Nana.

Penguins are cute. Period.